Cutting

I am a boy, so how do I know? Thats the problem, isn’t it? This weekend, I came face to face with a lovely young girl. She has great Christian parents; parents who try hard to find a solution to her pain. Parents have tried everything to alleviate the pain.

I came face to face with the ‘pain’ I saw the pain (manifested in scars on her arms), I sensed the pain, read it in her eyes, and yet I struggled to understand the pain. If I could only understand the pain, perhaps I could ‘reason’ it away?  Thing is, this is what we all think. If I could understand the pain...well, bottom line is thats not true. You can never understand the pain, and even if you did, the pain cannot be reasoned away. What is the solution? I want to say :”Love, acceptance and more love”. I fear those words have been used both as weapons and cover ups for so long, that most girls are beyond mere words. I suspect what these gils need is some real action.

Problem is, I am probably the least equipped male on the planet to deal with this issue. I do not know what the solution is, but I am keenly aware that this is a growing problem amongst our youth. Maybe we need more real youth ministers? Honestly, I don’t know if thats the solution either. Why are so many christian girls happy, well rounded and others in a mess? Sometimes the same girls co-exist in one church. You have the cutters, and the content girls in the same youth program. Figure that one out!

For me, this indicates that the real problem is way bigger than a youth ministry program. It suggests that the problem is multi faceted. Homeschoolers have the problem as do girls in normal schools. S, our education system is not to blame. Fair enough, home schoolers are generally more confident, more socially adept, more mature, but still home schoolers are not immune to this phenomenon. It could be generational curses, but then we blame generational curses on everything we can’t get a handle on.

I really do not know the cause (besides the obvious fact that it is pain based, but why cut yourself? In my youth, we did drugs, vandalism, partied and got smashed.) There is something angry in our youth. Our youth are angrier than any previous generation that I have encountered. Their expression is more apt to violence even if it is self inflicted violence. I just know that some body somewhere will blame this on the violent video games...but thats too easy. No, cutting is serious. There is no quick fix (that I am aware of). We do need to discover the root of this illness and treat it before we loose a generation of young girls.

Is Change possible?

A good friend of mine asked this question. The simple answer is ‘yes’ change is possible. The correct question is :”Can I afford to be a pioneer for change?” The correct question will solicit the correct response.

A little background is in order. I love youth, I really have a heart for the youth. In all honesty, I am somewhat of a youth whisperer. I have worked with youth in many different capacities, and have always seen change. So, why don’t I work with youth full time? The answer is complicated.

Youth ministry by its very nature requires maverick thinking. Senior pastors are generally staid, conservative and cannot afford to rock the boat too much. If you rock the boat, your biggest financial supporters leave, and then you struggle to keep things afloat. I personally work 3 jobs, but thats because I rock the boat. If I played nice with the religious people, I would have a very large church...but because I like to rock the boat, I have to work several jobs just to keep food on the table, and clothe my family.

Now, great youth pastors live to start a revolution. Parents generally don’t want their kids involved in a revolution. They want nice conformed kids. Unfortunately, kids of every generation and social economic bracket want to be a revolutionary...even if it just in their thinking! There is plenty of time to grow up, conform, get a mortgage and live in suburbia. Most kids I know want to change the world, climb a mountain, fall in love and be loved. Personally, I will settle for changing the world, or maybe just my neighborhood?

So whats the deal? Simple really, I too am a revolutionary at heart. The cost of keeping the mortgage in date, feeding the family, and keeping son in private school is 3 jobs. I could compromise my theology and play the exhortation game, build a large church, but how do I look my son in the eye and tell him to be true to his beliefs even as I am compromising theology to ‘play nice with the adults’ who pick and chose what verse they believe?

My integrity is not for sale. So, I do not place nice, instead I work 3 jobs to support my honesty and belief system. That and I am a revolutionary who wants to climb a mountain one day. 

Back to youth ministry - thing is there is no money in youth ministry. You cannot afford to feed your family by being a full time youth pastor WITHOUT the financial support of partners, churches, and or people who believe in your ministry. Most smaller churches have pastors working full time outside the ministry just to pay their own church bills. In other words, there is simply no extra money to support a revolutionary youth ministry.

Secondly, if I am going to support a youth ministry, you better believe that my youth are the first to benefit by having a full time Youth Pastor on staff. Thing is, the very best youth pastors are snapped up by the larger churches who can afford the big salaries. What about the smaller churches?Well, they face the inevitable problem of senior pastor is actually a youth pastor walking the line of fulfilling two positions. Alternatively, the senior pastor hires a part time youth pastor who is just hanging around for his big break and then he is off to the bigger church.

Is change possible? Yes it is, the correct question is :”Can I find enough people who really want to see change?” The answer is - I doubt that. You see, most pastors are struggling just to pay their own staff, never mind support the work of a revolution...as much as I would love to. Perhaps if I took a 4^th job?